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 Review #4744773 |
  |  | One Long Day in Chicago  [18+] Private Detective Lou Ryan, 1930s Chicago.  |
| (4.5)| Hello Ẃeβ࿚ẂỉԎḈĥ! This review is given on behalf of "Game of Thrones" . This is a good detective story set in the early thirties: 1930 - 1931. Like most Gumshoes back in the day, he had a thing for his secretary. This dame seemed to bring trouble knocking at his door. This time it was her brother who was arrested for murder. Can the detective get him out of it, or is her brother truly guilty? You must read to find out.The Title and Description - A good title that goes well with the story. I think you could expand a bit on the description to write a little blurb of what the story is about. I think it could help draw in more readers. The Characters - Great job on the characters and the dialog. The reader is easily able to get an idea of each of their personalities, and their relationship with each other. The Setting - Excellent job with the setting. I was able to envision each scene as I read. Nice job! What I Liked Best - The part where he followed the man following the woman. What he found and was able to do. Below are a few suggestions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.  “Please Lou!A comma is needed after Please  sleezysleazy  cleaning-upcleaning up  busy bodies.”[c:red}busybodies."  bar and left.A comma is needed after bar  barged though barged through Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I enjoyed it.  Tracey"When you play the Game of Thrones you win, or you die." Cersei Lannister  The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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