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Review #4745061
Viewing a review of:
 A Jump in Time Open in new Window. [E]
Time travel gone wrong ...?
by SophyBells Author Icon
Review of A Jump in Time  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Review of A Jump in Time by SophyBells Author Icon

I remember this prompt for the Cramp! Wrote something for it myself, that's why. Yours is a very interesting take on it, however. Very smooth and logical combination of some very unrelated but required words and phrases.

In total, the tale is entertaining and imaginative. There were a couple of points that I found slightly irritating, but they're so minor that they don't spoil my enjoyment of the piece. In case you want to change them, here they are:

"Look if this is some kind of joke?" Doesn't quite make sense (although maybe the parrot did actually say it). But it needs, at the very least, a comma after "Look." Then the rest of the sentence seems to need either a consequence threatened if it does turn out to be a joke, or an ellipsis to indicate the sentence was not completed. Or it's a typo and you meant to say ""Look, is this some kind of joke?"

The parrot keeps starting his sentences with "Look." It is, of course, entirely possible that this is a habit of his but, either way, it becomes a slight irritation. I'd change some of the instances to avoid the repetition.

And that's it. An amusing tale of great imagination. I'm awarding five stars because both quibbles are very minor and, to a certain extent at least, matters of personal taste. Well done on the win, by the way!

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