%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4745397 |
 |  | Courage and Sunflower Seeds  [ASR] A story of courage and sunflower seeds  |
| (4.5)| Hi Maryann  This review was written on behalf of House Targaryen as part of "Game of Thrones" ! Disclaimer The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. What I liked ... Your title is perfect! This really is a story about courage and sunflower seeds.  This story begins with a practice duel between twelve-year-old Miles and his father. The boy is cock-sure and says how well he is doing, to which his father makes a move that disarms his son. I love how he then rubs his son's head, messing his hair. This gesture of affection is heartwarming. The relationship between Miles and Margaret is really believable. When he first "scampered over to" her, I liked these two together. They bicker at first, him making fun of Margaret for constantly eating sunflower seeds. But he still offers to pump water for her, which is a lovely gesture. She is very generous with the seeds, though, and offers him some, as well as leaving some for the birds. When the pair decide to have an adventure in the forest, I had no idea what would happen there, what they would find. Fortunately, Margaret leaves a trail of sunflower seeds as they go. I really like how you write, almost as an aside, "Their parents were going through great pains of trying to make a lady and gentleman out of their children." That is funny. Also, it tells us who these kids are, of their nobility, without going into a long backstory. Okay, so on to what they found in the forest. I believe it was a spaceship-slash- extraterrestrial- house. Shaped like a disk and made from silver metal. A beautiful lady emerges and asks the children inside, so she can show them around. They were reluctant, but went anyway. And I was shouting (in my mind) at them, not to go. This next part made me laugh out loud. After tying up Miles, the woman tells them she wishes to do them no harm. She simply wants to drain some of their life force. Oh, is that all? All right, then. Margaret saves the day by trapping the woman, and then, they find their way home by following the trail of sunflower seeds. They contemplate how their adventure was like that of Hansel and Gretel. And it was. I get that.Suggestions: Just a few points. "The cool water seemed to sparkle in the sunlight." I would take out "seemed to" and just say the water sparkled. "she heard the crackling of a furry little creature scurry across some leaves." I would change "scurry" to "scurrying' because, at the moment it reads as though the crackling is heard scurrying, but it's the creature who is heard scurrying. I don't know if I explained that right? My last point is a typo: " It’s thick white, lacy pattern ..." This doesn't need an apostrophe in "it's." Parting comments: This story didn't take me where I expected to go! A space ship in a land of lords and ladies and sword duels. Brilliant! I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing. Happy WDC Account Anniversary! Choconut   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/17/2024 @ 9:31am EDT