Hi IdaLin .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Unexpected Gift" . I'm also submitting this review to "Game of Thrones" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

  Overall Impression. First, congratulations of making it to 17 years on Writing.Com. That's quite an achievement and a testament to your desire to write. I hope you continue of your writing journey.

You wrote this piece for a specific contest using posted prompts. Being rather nosy, I'm always interested for which contest an item was written. It's not important to the review; just my quirk. As for the prompts--you worked them into your story well. Coloring them made them easier to find.

I especially enjoyed the mystery aspect of your tale. I suppose that was to be expected from your title, which was good, and your brief description, which made me want to read more. So many folks just use the latter to tell a reader 'this is a contest entry'. That's obviously best done under Genre. You used it correctly as a billboard to hook your reader into reading further.

Your story was a poignant one, very emotional. Your words evoked a number of emotions in me while reading--curiosity, sadness, compassion and even happiness. That latter coming from the circle being complete, the fact that Miriam was able to tuck such a great memory into her being. Well done.

May I make a suggestion for your ending? Consider making the following a separate paragraph to make it stronger.

An old woman, her cat, and her memories.


  Technical and Editorial Considerations. I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing here--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

          Dialogue punction can be pesky. Change the period to a comma when using an attribute such as 'he said' or 'she said'.  "Come along, Liza, we'll go see if the mail's come yet." Miriam said ...

          Both your text size and paragraph spacing is perfect. My older reading eyes really appreciate this. So many folks stick to the default text size, which I submit is too small.    

My Rating.  4.5. 

Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.

Reviewed by

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .