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Review #4746691
Viewing a review of:
 Earning It All Open in new Window. [E]
A hair-stylist gets a loan
by Joy Author Icon
Review of Earning It All  Open in new Window.
Review by Lornda Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Hello, Joy Author Icon


*Sun* I enjoyed reading your story! I liked the mysterious tone throughout, and I thought the first paragraph did a nice job on showing us how the main character felt, and it set the scene nicely. It's always nerve-wracking when you have to get a business bank loan, and I could feel the tension. The tension started early in the story to set-up the ending, and when the bank manager saw the 'person of interest' outside, it set-up just who this person was hanging around the bank. Piece by piece the information dropped just enough to keep the mystery alive. Way to go! *Stary*

*Sun* I do not have too much feedback for you, but there was just this one transition that confused me a little. Between here *Pointright* On her way out,...and here *Pointright* She only saw the brim of the hat., it jump quickly. One moment she's in the altercation with the straw hat guy, and then the police are taking statements. So, I think one sentence could fix it to bring us back into the bank. *Wink*

*Sun* I had a lot of favorite parts, but one that stood out to me was how much of a slimeball Sorkin the lawyer was with trying to get her to go against the bank. I thought it was well done and kept the tension and the pace going until the end. There was always the question whether she would fold under his pressure, but she stuck it out and it ended on a good note. Well done. I really enjoyed reading it!

*Swords* Lornda


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