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 Review #4747022 |
 | Dying With a Dying Fall  [13+] A drunk man sits next to you in a bar & starts confessing "the truth." Share "the truth"  |
| (5.0)   You are receiving this review of "Dying With a Dying Fall" in connection with {item:"Game of Thrones" First, let me say Congratulations on your fifteenth WDC Anniversary. I like the opening paragraph of this story. It set the mood well and provided a glimpse of the narrator's dark mood. I especially liked the use of the word 'snorted' with disgust. The word gave the reader another glimpse into the narrators mood. I don't think I've ever heard, or in this case been shown, loneliness. For me, the thread that binds this story together is the thread of loneliness you wove throughout. Here's a couple examples of my favorite places. 1. You measure out your life in shot glasses and you pay by each intake of breath and not by the hour. The lonely, the depressed, the forgotten, and I all go to Stoko's. Even though you use the words lonely, depressed, and forgotten, the loneliness is already evident with the beginning of the sentence. 2. I took in the way he drew circles in the dust on the bar, breathing heavily. Dust on the bar is great; another example of show vs tell, giving the reader a glimpse at the story world. I enjoy reading stories with good description, and the descriptions used here are excellent. I'll list a couple of my favorite phrases here. 1. I found this description to be especially good: That's nothing you do at Stoko's. The barstools are like urinals, you always leave one between you and the next guy. 2. He laughs and it sounds like the cracking of knuckles after a long day of work. 3. Again he rubs his temples, the crumbled photo lying in the midst of his dust universe. I like the way this refers back to the circles the man was making in the dust on the bar earlier. Items that might benefit from your further attention: 1. You sit and the only sound you here is the liquid from your drink murmuring. The more you drink the clearer it becomes until it tells you: We all die. Did you mean hear? This does not take away from the story or the rating. Final thoughts: I like the writing style used in this story. The descriptions pulled me into the scene until I nearly felt like I was watching the scene rather than reading it. The dialogue fits the scene well, and the characters, both obviously lonely and victims of unrequited love, are realistic. And, I didn't see that ending coming. The bloody fingerprint tells an entirely new story. Very well done! Bikerider This review is given on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" This review has been submitted to "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Disclaimer: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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