\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748089
Review #4748089
Viewing a review of:
 Date Night Open in new Window. [13+]
Nothing can go wrong- right? Lesson 1 Evoking emotions
by Angelica Weatherby- Grateful28 Author Icon
Review of Date Night  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with House of Sensual Prose  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
A "Game of Thrones"  Open in new Window. by Creeper Of The Realm Author Icon Review


Storyline: The task for this assignment was to evoke emotions on a date night.There were moments when you excelled at that task, and other portions of the writing where the story was more told than shown, and it didn't hit the mark.

Spelling/Grammar Issues:
next to wall on the -- to the wall at the booth - think this will make it clearer

There were a few more issues, mostly typos with added letters, etc.

Description/emotion: Longing to wrap his arms around her showed what he wanted most on this night. Even this could be taken a bit further by describing how she felt in his arms, the warmth of her body, or that she was soft against, things of that nature. Even hitting in what she smells like. The food, her flowery perfume, or a vanilla soap. All these little details really help connect the reader to the characters.

Overall Impression: I know what your assignment was, and I believe you were trying to portray the newness of the relationship. I think the added information of what they do in school, what they agree upon and how aligned they are took away from the scene itself. When writing these kind of assignments, it's not necessary to give the background information on your characters. Stay in the scene itself. Where they are, the weather, what they're doing, secret smiles to each other, bumping of hands or feet if they are lying on a blanket at the park. Just some things to think about.




The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

My signature for GOT 2024
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/25/2024 @ 9:58pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4748089