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 Review #4748187 |
 | My Pacific  [13+] A haiku for the Rising Stars assignment  |
| (4.5)   Greetings, Mastiff! I am reviewing this because today is your birthday! Happy Birthday!  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. The Positives/What I Liked I love your title... My Pacific. Though the Pacific Ocean is not mentioned in your haiku, the reader knows by your title what you are writing about. My favorite line is the 3rd: Anger is beauty. This does not apply to humans, of course  , but to nature. My hubby and I volunteer in the fall, on Lake Superior at a lighthouse for a month. We look forward to that very anger you are referring to, I'm sure. Lake Superior's rage is something to behold, as the Pacific is, for you. Good job on getting the syllable count correct! Suggestions/Comments to ConsiderI just have one little suggestion for your consideration. It might seem rather picky, so take it or leave it, as you wish.   So fall gives way to winter To me, the word 'So' feels like a wasted word, like a filler, especially for a haiku. Perhaps something like fall surrenders to winter , which includes all seven syllables.The other little suggestion is to uncap the beginning of the second and third lines, as most of the haikus I've read, only cap the beginning of the first, if that. Final ThoughtsThis is a lovely haiku! They are harder to write than what one might think. Well done! Again, Happy Birthday! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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