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Review #4748245
Viewing a review of:
 Midnight Cold Calling Open in new Window. [E]
A vampire gets cold called. Word Count: 524
by John Johnny Johnson Author Icon
Review by Jeff Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Free Folk  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hello John Johnny Johnson

I'm sending this review in connection with "Game of ThronesOpen in new Window..


*Penw* Positives

I love the worldbuilding in this piece. The idea of a door-to-door salesman that isn't offput by vampires, a vampire married to a weretiger... everything was really creative and entertaining. Even the show being called "Bloody Moonlight" lent to a feeling that this was a fully realized world that the characters are living in, which is really difficult to do in such a short piece of writing. Really nice work!


*Penw* Suggestions

Due to the brevity of the piece, some of the things felt a little glossed over, such as the fact that Joseph just randomly ordered something from a door-to-door salesman without exchanging any form of payment. And the fact that the salesman seemed a little unengaged from his task when door-to-door sales is famously about trying to connect with a potential customer and getting them on the hook to buy something.

The ending of the story also felt a little abrupt. Joseph just goes back to what he's doing after ordering something from a door-to-door salesman, which made the whole thing feel a little more like a vignette rather than a story with a beginning, middle, and end.


*Penw* Overall

Overall, I think there's a ton of potential with the world you've created, and the characters. I feel like there's a little room for improvement in terms of the execution and fleshing things out a bit, but you have a strong foundation here. Nice work!


Respectfully,

Jeff Author IconMail Icon
"Rating & Reviewing PhilosophyOpen in new Window.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/26/2024 @ 3:16pm EDT
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