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Given: Apr 29, 2024 at 4:56am
Length: 810 Characters |
742 w/o WritingML
Hallo!
This one showed up on 'Read and Review'.
I like the rhythm of the words and the imagery. I must say when I first saw the acrostic (broken up into verses) I read 'Asto' and wondered what that was an abbreviation for - then as I read on I caught on!
The poem is short and sweet, and you build the suspense well.
COMMENTS:
1. The first verse says you were lighthearted and singing, and the last you were tired. This doesn't tally.
2. The door was there, wasn't it? Why was it a chore to go to it?
3. It ends rather abruptly. You build the suspense and then leave us at 'new world' without letting us know what that is.
(Not sure if I'm over analysing things! I enjoyed reading it! )
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