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Review #4749517
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Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi ashok25,

Thank you for entering your poem into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window.. I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round.

I am reviewing your poem, "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window..

Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful.

First Impressions: I really like this poem. It may be short, but it really packs a punch. Your message is wonderful. I love that you say things have got to change, we have all got to do better for our children and their children. Tomorrow is coming, and in many ways, it isn't looking so great. But you ponder what you can do to help make a change, and I think your poem reflects the conscience of a lot of people.

Voice/Tone: Your clear voice makes a good impression. As I mentioned above, this poem may be short, but it is concise and poignant. I love the short lines. By having these, you focus the reader on what is important, on what you want them to know and understand.

Mechanics: I am a huge fan of free verse, and this is a great example of the form. I love how you start the poem by asking if other people hear the "calling of tomorrow," and end by saying you must do what you can to help, otherwise how can you hold your head up? I like that. Your use of free verse makes the poem even more stark and emotive. Your use of punctuation also helps to focus the reader.

My Favourite Part: The message. This little poem has a big impact. The clarity with which you see the world is wonderful.

Suggestions: I only have one suggestion. You use the word "future" in two successive sentences. Because they are close together, and because there are so few words in the poem, they stand out a little. I would change one of them. Maybe, instead of, "For future generations" you could write, "For younger generations"?

I enjoyed reading this poem. Good luck in the contest!

Most importantly, keep writing!

Choconut

Plaque for being Angel Army's Reviewer of the Month in April 2024.



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