%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4749523 |
 | Addiction  [18+] A short poem about waging a battle with substance use disorder  |
| (4.5)| Hi Temperance Stone , Thank you for entering your poem into "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" . I am Choconut, one of the contest judges for the October round. I am reviewing your poem, "Addiction" , in affiliation with "The WDC Angel Army" .Please remember these views are purely my own and any advice given is with the sole intention of being helpful. First Impressions: This poem is incredibly sad. My first thoughts as I read it were that you have some wonderful imagery. You do a fantastic job with describing the pain and relentlessness of addiction. However, there is some hope near the end where you write, "I always fight back." Voice/Tone: Writing from the 1st Person perspective gives us a great insight into the mind of someone with addiction issues. You don't say what it is the narrator is addicted to, and so it works for all kinds of addiction: drugs, alcohol, food, love. And everything in between. A lot of people will relate to this. The narrator sounds slightly distant. I know others will disagree, but, for me, it puts a bit of a distance between me and the poem. However, it can be argued that it demonstrates the (almost) dissociation between the narrator and her life. Mechanics: The abcb, defe, etc. rhyme scheme helps the poem to flow really nicely. Additionally, your rhythm is even, and you clearly have a good ear for it. My Favourite Part: I like the personification of addiction. "She wages attack" is a fantastic way of making addiction feel like a living, breathing thing. Which, in many ways, it is. I love how you say addiction speaks softly, sings to you, makes you feel safe, and then — wham! — it attacks. In addition, you show how addiction feeds on your low self-esteem and undermines all of your good feelings about yourself. This is very well written. Suggestions: The only thing I wasn't sure about was the first four lines beginning with I. It stuck out, to me. However, I think you are maybe trying to show how much addiction makes a person retreat into themselves and think only of their addiction. But, as I said, it stood out to me. Also, a minor point: "But addictions no quitter." There should be an apostrophe before the s in addictions. This is a great poem. Thanks for sharing it with us. Most importantly, keep writing! Choconut    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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