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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4749927
Review #4749927
Viewing a review of:
 Activities entries Open in new Window. [13+]
Random topics.
by Angelica Weatherby-Star on top Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "The Stream" Open in new Window.
Review by Jayngle Bells Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This is an "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window. review!


Hello, Angelica Weatherby-Star on top! Thank you for supporting this great activity!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
Given the enchanting story, I can easily imagine it captivating children with its kind dragon MC, Spiky.

*Checkb*Title and Description:
The story effectively addresses the prompt, using the stream as a focal point around which the interaction between Spiky and the local wildlife unfolds.

*Checkb*Hook and plot:
The story immediately hooks the reader with Spiky, a unique character in both species and abilities. The plot develops quickly with a series of engaging events that keep the reader engaged and build a vivid image of life around the secluded stream.

*Checkb*Characters and dialogue:
Spiky is a well-defined character, clearly driven by kindness and courage. You have captured Spikey's frustration, concern, and surprise in a natural, expressive way.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
The narrative is generally clear and well-constructed. There are minor areas where your sentence structure could be tightened to enhance the story's flow. For instance, you have used "still" twice in the last few sentences. Some of the more clipped (short) sentences could be expanded without making them too complex. However, this would depend on the intended audience, and if it is stylistic by design, that makes sense to me.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
The story is a delightful blend of fantasy and nature, showcasing a unique protagonist in a vivid setting.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayngle Bells Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.



   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/05/2024 @ 4:26pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4749927