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 Review #4750242 |
 | Painting  [E] Watching the Artist  |
| (4.5)   HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   Greetings, SLinnGomez! I am reviewing this because today is your 22nd WDC Anniversary! You've been here about five and a half months longer than me!  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. The Positives/What I Liked This is absolutely beautiful. I've ready plenty of pieces that refer to God's palette, but nothing quite like this. Walking with God as he paints each moment, each day, and observing it, is quite special. I liked this very much. When I go for a walk today, I'll keep this in mind.  Though your poem is free verse, it is divided into six stanzas (quatrains), which first made me think it was a rhyming poem. But I was actually pleasantly surprised that it wasn't. This works very well and I enjoyed that there were no forced rhymes, but just a nice flow of words. Many lines stood out to me here, but I would say my favorites are...Stanza 1: Lines 1 & 2 I walked today with God, and He painted for me, and also Stanza 4: Line 1 He painted in pain, and joy, and yes, one more! Stanza 5: Line 2 His strokes are sure, defined and planned,  Your faith shines with absolute sincerity in this piece. Suggestions/Comments to ConsiderMy only suggestion would be is perhaps take out a few of those commas at the end of some of your lines. A few are unnecessary. Let me give you one example in the first stanza: I walked today with God, and He painted for me, a sunset, deep in red and gold, and as I watched I caught my breath. Consider: I walked today with God and He painted for me a sunset, deep in red and gold, and as I watched, I caught my breath. Just something to consider.  Final ThoughtsThank you for sharing this lovely piece. What a nice way for me to wake up this morning, as it gives me a new perspective of this wonderous day! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 05/07/2024 @ 9:24am EDT