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Review #4750640
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Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Hi troyzien,

I am reviewing your short story, "Invalid Item" Open in new Window., as one of the judges for March's official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering, and good luck!

This review is in affiliation with "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window.. Please remember any views are purely my own, and any advice is given with the sole intention of being helpful.


What I liked: The excitement in this story is fabulous!

*Bulletv* The first thing that stood out was the description of the, "large, hairy quadruped." That got my senses pinging. I couldn't wait to see what happened to the creature. Straight after this, you mention the "red eyes," and, again, I was waiting to find out what would go down here.

*Bulletv* You did a great job with keeping the suspense pulled tight the whole way through. Even down to Terra's driving, which scared Professor Detroit half to death. It was all a fast-paced ride.

*Bulletv* The part where Terra had to kill her mentor was really moving. But, by this point, I wasn't sure who I could trust. My head was kind of spinning at all the werewolves. Also, did the police officers not notice them? Or were they, too, monsters?


Suggestions: I was confused about Amy. Was she the woman who ran into the werewolf in her car? Because, if she was, what happened to her children? And, if she wasn't, then why was she there? In terms if grammar, you switched tense a few times, from past tense to present tense, so I would check that out if I were you. Also, I wasn't sure you had the right word here: "She snugly smiled ..." I wondered if you meant smugly instead?


Parting comments: I enjoyed reading your story. I don't have a lot of experience with this genre, but your story has convinced me to give it a go. Thank you.


Choconut
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/09/2024 @ 3:22pm EDT
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