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Review #4752212
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The Last Train Ticket Open in new Window. [13+]
Tanner inherits a train ticket.
by Beholden Author Icon
Review by StephBee Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Tanner inherits a train ticket from his late great Uncle, but there's more than meets the eye. He just has to figure it out.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Maybe there's a reason the ticket was in a frame. The story plunks down several clues and the reader must piece them together. I liked it because the story made you think as a reader.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Tanner's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

The dialogue accents the narration.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes. I liked: "It was a small rectangular, paper object, faded orange in colour." It's a simple description, and it's easy to picture the ticket in the reader's mind, but, for me, reading with a more critical eye, it's almost too simple. There's something up with this ticket.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day?
PLACE: Uncle Gregory's mansion mostly

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Tanner

Tanner pays his respects and gets more than he bargained for. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any puncutation mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for spelling. I think I spotted Gregory mis-spelled.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

This story was written for the Writer's Cramp and had a 1K word limit. I thought the story did a good job with the word limit and used a good economy of words. The title is the prompt which fits the story. The opening intrigues the reader. An interesting story that could be the seed of a longer story.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 05/16/2024 @ 4:44pm EDT
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