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 Review #4752707 |
 |  | Chapter One - My Father's Hat  [13+] The freedom of the cowboys versus the fences of the stock-farmers  |
| (4.5)| A  ReviewMy reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.  Please note, if you modify/edit your item after the contest's deadline, before the winners are announced, your item will be disqualified, as stated in the rules. First Impression  First of all, I'd just like to mention that I loved A COWBOYS PRAYER by Charles Badger Clark that you added under your Notes: at the bottom of your chapter! It's a beautiful piece. The appearance of your chapter makes for much more enjoyable reading with your linespacing and font size. It's so much easier to read than tiny text with no spaces! Thank you for that.  Your descriptions make for awesome imagery. I love the West and like to imagine how it used to be in the old days. And of course, I always enjoy when a bit of history is woven in, so kudos for that, too.Thoughts/Suggestions  In the opening paragraph, you write this is the largest field in the Texas ranch. I believe in this case, it should be this is the largest field on the Texas ranch, as it's more about the physical location, while in a ranch is more about being part of the ranching lifestyle. In your fourth paragraph, I felt that not all the dialogue from the father was consistent in his dialect style. For instance, burnin' the breeze and livin' under them stars lyin' on your are great, but then and the corral dust blowing from the east is going to bury these lands sounds like less of a cowboy speaking. Perhaps and the corral dust blowin' from the east is goin' to bury these lands might be something to consider. Favorites Here are only a few of my favorite visuals, though there are many more: The only sound was that of the wind and the breathing of the horse beneath him. (I love this so much!!! I truly felt like I was the one riding this horse.) On the first pole when the barbed wire resumed its unbroken demarcation of their lands an old grey, battered hat sat on the pole. (Great tie-in to the picture prompt!)What I thought... I absolutely loved the cliff hanger at the end of this chapter! I'd be interested in reading more, if you decide to continue with more chapters. There wasn't too much action nor a lot of dialogue in this chapter, but the visuals/descriptions set the stage for perhaps a future great western adventure story! And once again, I loved that you included a bit of history, which gives it depth. Thank you for your entry! Best of luck in the contest! |
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