Language Choices: cold embrace / haunted face / silently weep / memories of a world long gone — Please ignore me here, because I have an incredibly sensitive reflex when it comes to language use, and that's a fully subjective thing. When words feel too tonally similar and are arranged in expected ways, I usually get the sense that things feel overwrought/melodramatic. It's like... say, if you read a story, and someone just died, and the rain is pouring down like tears and the main character sprawls over the freshly-dead body and sobs disconsolately. It feels a little too much. For me, at least, it passes "sad" and lands in "maudlin." It's only when there's some dissonance that the emotions feel lived in. (For example, I'd be more inclined to feel for a main character who, after losing a loved one, stays mostly calm until she gets outside the bedroom door and then stops dead outside, eyes pinned on a gouge in the wood floors that she and the person she lost made when they were children, and then she finally lets loose.

In my experience, if something is TOO Sad™, it won't feel real. When it's removed and contextualized with something personal, original, or unexpected, readers are more likely to accept it as real or find it evocative.) You absolutely did not land in maudlin with this poem, and you have some stunning language here, but it does feel a bit tonally "samey," so it sort of blends together. I've read enough of your fiction to know that you can absolutely slay at writing evocative, subtle, and powerful lines, so I feel like maybe the constraints of the form might be affecting you here. When the descriptions all feel relatively tonally aligned and there's not much unexpected, the emotions feel muted to me. The use of the evocative and unexpected is more important in poetry than in fiction, because the canvas you have to "paint" wit is that much smaller. That mutedness of emotion happens here with the shadows/secrets combo, the silent weeping, and the memories of a long-gone world. These are gorgeous, but I feel like I've heard them before, so they're not quite hitting. In contrast, your first line is stunning: hungry shadows (I have never seen shadows characterized as hungry!) lean (an original and fascinating verb choice that has a feeling of melancholy or lingering but delivers it in an indirect way so I don't feel like I've been battered with the emotion) in the wasteland? Gorgeous, unexpected and fascinating language. It just felt like the rest of the poem didn't have as much of that beauty and unexpectedness to it.

Echoes of my past silently weep.
Memories of a world long gone. — These lines feel like they're saying similar things? "echoes of my past" and "memories of a world long gone" (the echoes/memories combo, specifically) are nicely stated, but feel a bit too similar. Again, I think this is a function of the form (you needed a line that stood alone well and could be repeated in the following stanza) but it does feel like it weakens this stanza.

Memories of a world long gone.
Eyes darkened with all they’ve seen.
My existence carries on
In the wasteland, we hungry shadows lean. — I like the way you've arranged these final lines! It looks great, and I can see the work you've put in to make this blend smoothly with only small alterations. If I might be allowed to suggest one small alteration to make the final stanza flow together even more smoothly: what if the final line said, "In the wasteland, where hungry shadows lean" rather than "we hungry shadows"? If that were the case, the final two lines would blend together into a complete thought: "My existence carries on / in the wasteland, where hungry shadows lean."