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 Review #4753460 |
 |  | Stained Lipstick  [13+] I wrote this last October for my creative writing class. I hope you enjoy :)  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I loved how you built up the tension in this story. With every letter the narrator received, you cranked it up a notch, making it more and more creepy, until he ran out of his own house like the hounds of hell were after him. But it didn’t stop there. Despite him getting the police involved, his secret admirer continued, until he saw no other choice but to leave his old life behind and start a new one in the middle of nowhere, with as little contact with other people as possible. The readers were ready to breathe a sigh of relief at this point, but you had no intention of giving him a happy ending, which wouldn’t have been very satisfactory. The line she even grew up in the same town as me. I don’t know how I never noticed her gave me goosebumps because it suddenly became clear what was going on, and if it wasn’t clear before, you left no doubt then that the outcome for him wouldn’t be good.  Suggestions: I didn’t notice any errors but I do have a couple of small suggestions: There lived the same people whose families lived in the same home Your writing was very good so I wasn’t sure if this was a choice, but to me, the repetition of “lived the same people” and “lived in the same home” was quite noticeable and sounded a little awkward. Similarly, in this line: I was ecstatic that one looked my way, let alone one who went through the trouble of sending these gifts my way The repetition of “my way” stood out. I would consider changing the phrases slightly.  Final Thoughts: I felt I got to know both characters quite well - the unnamed narrator, who keeps cursing his own naivety and makes all the wrong decisions, and his secret admirer who seems to be quite unstable. There were some excellent descriptions, for example this one, where he explained how the scent from the letter created a feeling of spiders constructing their elaborate networks of silk in my stomach, which I thought was very evocative. Overall, I thought this was a great story, and I enjoyed the read!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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