*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4753979
Review #4753979
Viewing a review of:
 "NEEDING YOU"  [E]
Falling fast
by Tommy Gunns
Review of "NEEDING YOU"  
Review by Choconut
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Tommy Gunns ,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" 

Disclaimer


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.


What I liked:

*Bulletv* Oh, wow. This poem is very moving. I love the way you speak of your lost love as your home, saying that home isn't a place, it is this person. But, without this person, you have no home. You don't state whether your love has passed away, or if your relationship has broken down, but it doesn't matter (in terms of the poem) because the feeling is the important part.

*Bulletv* I love how you describe the rooms as physical representations of your memories, of your pain. This place, in particular, makes me feel really sad: "Your laughter that echoed, / your footsteps on the floor." That's such a great way of showing your reader what you have lost, of showing the contrast in your life before and after losing this person. When I read this, it makes me think of how we all think back over our lives before and after losing the people we love, comparing the joy nd happiness with the silence we are left with.

*Bulletv* I loved the line, "the walls yearn too." This reminded me of a Willie Nelson song, 'Hello Walls.' The idea of a whole house missing someone fits with this poem, too, because that's exactly what you're saying: your home was this person, but now, you have nowhere to call home. As I said above, it's really incredibly moving.


Suggestions:

I wasn't sure why you capitalised the first letter of the third line of each verse. You don't have periods at the end of the middle two lines of the verses, only commas, so capitals aren't necessary. At first, I thought it was a typo, but then when I saw you had done it in every verse, it kind of threw me a little. Some poems have capitals at the start of every line, but I just didn't understand why only the first and third lines.


Parting comments:

This is an emotive poem, and you really pull in your readers by tugging at our heartstrings. It's a great, well written poem.

Choconut
Plaque for being Angel Army's Reviewer of the Month in April 2024.

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4753979