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 Review #4754964 |
 | The War That Never Ends (1st Place)  [13+] Dr. Jameson finally pried the story out of Ben...  |
| (5.0)   Greetings, BScholl! I am reviewing this because I discovered it on Read & Review.  First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest. The Positives/What I Liked Wow. This is a powerful little story that had me tearing up in the end. I have no doubt there are veterans out there with horrific memories that haunt them. Whether you know someone who went through this, or you've had some similar experiences yourself, your story feels very real, even though it's fictional. You included plenty of dialogue, which helped it flow along nicely. It looks like you've used all the prompted words, too. Nice work! Congratulations on the 1st Place win, by the way! Nice going! I'm not surprised at all. I can't imagine what it would be like to be staring into the eyes of this little girl in the middle of a war and have a rocket grenade blow her up before you. It's heart wrenching.  My favorite line is: I can’t get her out of my mind. I don’t have a heart of stone. We don't always know what others have gone through. Suggestions/Comments to ConsiderThere are only a few nit-picky things that don't amount to much:  Paragraph 5: Get him the hell out of here.” Yelled a cross voice--> Get him the hell out of here,” yelled a cross voice Paragraph 11: Ever been under heavy fire Doc? --> Ever been under heavy fire, Doc? Final ThoughtsThis is an emotional story and you've done a fantastic job with it! Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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