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Review #4754988
Viewing a review of:
Ricefields   [ASR]
Rice fields can be intensive labor. I thought of Isaan in Thailand. An old person's view.
by Kåre Enga in Montana
Review of Ricefields  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
Celebrating your writing this month with a review.


This Review of Ricefields is for The Red Wheelbarrow Spring Chickens poetry contest ~

Thank You for your entry!


Hello Kåre Enga in Montana ,

Thrilled to have your entry in the contest! I’m happy to learn it’s your WDC Anniversary, as well. I’m sure to raid your port again. *Smile*

Your poem "Ricefields "  beautifully captured for me this labor and joy of working in the fields through the seasonal lens. The imagery of bending bodies and nimble fingers planting sprouts has effectively evoked the physicality and rhythm of farm life.

The poem’s structure, with its short, impactful lines that I’m accustomed to seeing as a part of your style, mirrors the simplicity and toil of the work described. The closing lines, where the speaker finds joy and sings to the fireflies, added a poignant and uplifting conclusion to the piece.

Should you enhance the poem, as you have with recent pieces you’ve updated, there’s opportunity for expanding on the sensory details of the depicted environment. Describing the sights, sounds, and smells of the fields in more detail could deepen a reader’s immersion. Additionally, exploring the emotional journey with your narrative approach, throughout the day, could add more depth and connection.

Showing vs. Telling:
This poem effectively uses imagery to show the experiences of spring. Descriptions like "my body bent like a young green blade" and "as I planted the sprouts that would flourish with rains" create vivid, tangible images. You do not directly tell, meeting the foremost requirement of this month’s contest to compliment the theme of Spring.

Examples:
- Showing: "my body bent like a young green blade," "planted the sprouts that would flourish with rains."
- Telling: This poem avoided direct telling, focusing on showing through specific actions and imagery.

Further Suggestions for Improvement (in regards to prompt):
The poem is already strong in showing, but if you desire in the future, more sensory details to enhance the reader's experience, as mentioned.

A pleasure to have your poem compliment the Red Wheelbarrow contest. Your offering effectively captures for me what the essence of farm life might be and complimented by its seasonal theme, part of this month’s activity. I appreciate your participation.

Sincerely,

Brian
RWB Judge
WDC Anniversary
and Angel Army Reviewer
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Eyes a little tricky today. Hope it reads well enough. Might be the only for contest until tomorrow. *Smile*
(3 of 23 or 22) for actuarial purposes. *BigSmile*


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