The Braddick Chronicles [13+] Braddick battles the Obsidian Order to avenge his wife and stop a catastrophic ritual. |
Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Hi Dorell, This is a wonderful first chapter. The chapter opens with vivid description. The reader can envision New York City in the dark of night. They are completely immersed in the chapter and will read on to find out more about what is going on. This a fantastic opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. You have set up your plot and main characters very well for the reader. You have also used strong imagery here. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention: 1)In a few places you have neglected to put each piece of dialogue in its own paragraph. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.
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