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 Review #4755392 |
| (5.0)| Review of Panting for The Red Wheelbarrow Spring Chickens poetry contest   Thank You for your entry! Hello twyls  ,"Planting" is a defiant nose-thumbing at gardening, all the tedious work having to get those flowers to bloom. Such a good pace and narrative that captures a somewhat unique voice that doesn’t try to be pretty, essentially commenting through poem form these jilted, conceding expressions of passive-aggressive arrogance with images of those final words suggesting an outcome.You’ve used thoughtful and introspective reflection on the seasonal transition of gardening. The use of that conversational tone and personal reflection on the annual toil created an intimate and relatable atmosphere that are familiar to me and my style of writing. It’s an undeniable shared feeling of frustrated gardeners everywhere, I guarantee (me included). The imagery of seed packets and the yard filled with sticks effectively evokes the setting. The poem’s structure, with its short lines and varied rhythm, mirrors the speaker’s contemplative mood. The repetition of “won’t” emphasizes the change in the speaker’s approach to gardening, adding a layer of resolution and hope, or sarcasm.  it indeed is a need for change.Showing vs. Telling: This poem combines both showing and telling, but leans more towards showing. Lines like "The wind shook the trees and planted sticks in the yard" and "I'll still watch them bloom" show the activities and effects of spring. Examples: - Showing: "The wind shook the trees and planted sticks in the yard," "I'll still watch them bloom." - Telling (just a bit, though, we still like that conversational tone): "I know I have flower seeds in a Ziploc bag in my fridge," "This year will be different." Suggestions for Improvement: If you were to improve the poem, consider expanding sensory details. Describing the seeds, feel of soil, and garden more vividly could deepen a reader’s connection. Also, what I tell people about free verse, vary ingline lengths to introduce a more dynamic rhythm can enhance the poem’s impact. I speak lines aloud to see where natural breaks should be. It helps a reader consume your writing the way you intend it, to sound in their mind and in ears. Though, I’d say the rawness of your narrative approach has flavor, adds realism. Sound and sight words, would though, bring more life to the poem . Your offering effectively captured for me the introspection of spring. I noticed personification at play, with nature, almost to the point that it has its own opinion how the garden year will go. For me: Weeding, my number one issue. I dig, find worms, want to grab them and say you’re supposed to help my plants, not weeds. If he could answer, claim that I don’t rotate, fertilize, add compost, water enough, etc. it’s his garden, after all.  Just Today: dealing with my neighbor’s ’Creeping Charlie’ ground cover wrapping itself around every plant In my yard, Iand now reminded from this poem with that ending. And I thought, do garden owners ever think what happens to their neighbor’s property when they plant those invasive species? And then, oh yeah, right. Proceed. I loved how this poem hit on themes and feelings of my own. And you could possibly get more from this subject, offer even richer sensory and emotional experience with your special narrative approach. This was such a joy to discover and was very happy to get acquainted with you and your writing this month. Sincerely, Brian WDC Super Power Reviewer  Sorry if a little confusing, should spelling and grammar errors pop up. Working with limited vision and on a tablet.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 06/11/2024 @ 2:48pm EDT