The Last Drive [13+] The road never taken in the middle of the night. |
Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Hi U' Will, This is a wonderful story. The tone is full nervousness. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if the person going home has picked up a troublesome hitchhiker. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about someone who is going home and picks up a strange woman on the way. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. There is no dialogue but it is not needed here. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention: 1)It was very dark, the silence which was only broken by the steady throbbing of the engine and the soft rustling of leaves.-"which" is not necessary here. 2)As the drive pursued, I lost track of the road, probably because of drowsiness. I couldn't keep my eyes on the way. As the distance kept shortening, I could augur a danger. I couldn't hide my discomfort anymore, and that's when I decided that I should evict her. When I put my foot on the brake, the realization hit me like a ton of bricks as I found out that the brake had failed. When I looked over to the woman, I saw her smiling sinisterly.-These are two separate paragraphs and need to be double spaced. The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. Great job.
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