Hi Lana

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion.


Positives

I enjoyed the action and the sense of urgency in this piece. You did a great job of keeping the tension building and the story moving along at a brisk pace. This was a fun, quick read.


Suggestions

There's a tendency in this story to alternate between past and present tense, with descriptions like, "She pushes through the crowd" followed by "She struggled and then slipped out" which made the flow of the read a little difficult. There was also a point where the POV changed from third person to first person. I'd recommend sticking with one tense and POV throughout the story.

Typo: "She pushes through the crowded aisle of newly boarded passengers..."

I'm a little unclear on where she pulled the gun from. The narrative says that "her hand darted into her shirt and produced a small gun" but earlier in the story it's mentioned that she's wearing "a skimpy white top that was so tight you could tell the bra color" (which seems like a tough garment to hide a gun in, even one of a small caliber.


Overall

Overall, this was a fun, entertaining read. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful. If so, please consider paying it forward by reviewing the work of another Writing.com author!

Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .