Hi DoubleCat

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion.


Premise

I really enjoyed the premise of this story. I thought it was interesting, engaging, and you really laid the groundwork well for a surprise ending.


Story

The story was really compelling. I particularly like the twist at the end, which shows that Josh is more calculating and manipulative than the reader previously thought.

As I was reading, I was a little unclear about the specifics of the supernatural elements of this story. Who is "Trisha" really and why is she keeping Josh in this other place rather than the real world. It would be great to have some additional context so that, by the end of the story, we have a clearer understanding of what transpired and what "Trisha" is really in for.


Characters

While I really thought you did a great job with the reveal that Josh was manipulating "Trisha" all along at the end, it was a little unclear from the narrative what the characters' motivations were. The big question for me is, "Why was 'Trisha' so motivated to keep Josh there in the first place if she wasn't happy?" See seems genuinely unhappy in the relationship, but committed to keeping it up and I'm not entirely sure why. The reveal at the end - that there's a supernatural element to it - makes that question all the more salient because 'Trisha' is both unhappy and also sacrifices everything to keep him. Why?


Dialogue

The dialogue was effective and kept the narrative moving along.


Structure

Generally speaking, the structure was effective. The story was tightly-paced and moved along briskly, keeping the reader's interest throughout.


Technical

No technical issues that I could find.


Overall

Overall, I thought you did a really good job with this story. It was compelling, kept the reader guessing throughout, and had a dark but ultimately satisfying ending. I think there's a bit of room for improvement in terms of fully explaining the situation to the reader by the time the story ends, but other than that I thought you did a great job. Nice work!


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Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .