Hi G. B. Williams

Congratulations on your Writing.com account anniversary! I'm sending this review in honor of the occasion.


Positives

I enjoyed this item. I thought a lot of the semi-rhetorical questions that you asked were thought-provoking and interesting, and really challenge the reader to think about where they place their attention, desires, etc. I thought the structure was really nice and the brevity worked well for the piece.


Suggestions

There were a couple of statements that I thought could use a little more explanation. Particularly the assertions that "the government has become the primary provider" and "churches are practically empty, while schools are packed."

This may likely just be my own opinion and experiences speaking, but there seems to be a lot of discontent lately with what the government does (or does not) provided to its citizens, and that of course differs depending on which government you're subject to! Given the level of discontent with what the government provides, it might be helpful to explain what you see it as the primary provider of, specifically.

Similarly, the visual of empty churches and full schools is a vivid one, but based on the juxtaposition it seems like you're implying that children can only go to one or the other; that churches are empty because schools are full. I'm not sure I see the connection there. It might be a good idea to further elaborate on the connection or causation you see between church and formalized education.


Overall

Overall, I thought you did a great job with this piece. It was thought-provoking and inspirational. Nice work!


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Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .