Hi JsAWriter,

This is a wonderful first chapter. The chapter opens with vivid description. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it completely on the chapter. They will read on. This is a fantastic opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. You have set up your main characters and plot very well for your reader. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:

1)You have neglected to put each piece of dialogue in its own paragraph. You should remember to consistently do this to keep your writing clear for your reader.

The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.