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Given: Jul 5, 2024 at 4:16pm
Length: 803 Characters |
791 w/o WritingML
This is a lovely micro story. I don't know who Kiya is to the narrator but they obviously care about her a great deal. They really thought about her and made a point to do something to brighten her very busy day. In my mind, I see the narrator as a coworker who wants to be more to her. They know her well enough to know how busy she has been and to take the initiative to help her in the best way they can think of. It seems like the kind thought isn't an afterthought even though they are going for their lunch primarily. The focus is very much on pleasing her. One suggestion I was a little confused about at the beginning about whether this was third person focusing on Kiya or first person with a narrator main character. Perhaps you could lead with the I and then introduce Kiya.
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