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Review #4760948
Viewing a review of:
 Disgusting Disguise Open in new Window. [E]
Sorrow of a little teen.
by Cloelia Author Icon
Review by Rainy Day Sox Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Tour de Ports Registered Cycli...  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
THe last line was confusing to me, I don't understand what it is trying to say. There are several places where the word choice is not quite right.

cries should probably be cried
deceives should probably be deceived
delightens should probably be delights

The whole poem is a confused mess of past, present, and future tenses. My suggestion is to read it aloud to see if that is how you would say aloud what you are writing.

It is a good poem when it comes to expressing an emotion pretty consistently throughout. with a little polish and word choice changes it could be a really great poem. Please do not feel discouraged I like what you have started with this just polish it a bit more and it could really shine.

Come ride with us!

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