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 Review #4761512 |
 | Aquos (979 words)  [ASR] Writing Cramp Entry starting with "The spaceship landed with a heavy thud." 979 words  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This story took a rather dramatic turn! At the beginning, there was a generous measure of humour as the two men were bickering about who was at fault and which vessel broke the other. Did the spaceship smash the yacht, or was it the other way around? Logically, there could be only one answer to that question, but the readers couldn’t blame the doctor for asserting that he was not to blame, considering that he had just lost a valuable research ship together with the research results. But the tale didn’t stay this lighthearted. The doctor, persuaded by the threat of the event being made public, revealed what the vessel had been searching for, and as he was talking, the readers became aware that the atmosphere changed. It became apparent that there had been something on that ship that even the doctor didn’t know, and when Mr Daniels explained what had happened and became more and more uncomfortable, it was already too late.  Suggestions: The story was well written - I’m always in awe of tales told entirely in dialogue, and you did a good job here without any dialogue tags - and I only spotted one tiny error: the pieces of the Aquos that we were able to recover from the wreckage was severely rusted It’s “pieces”, plural, so it should be “were severely rusted”. I would also suggest picking a couple more genres in addition to “Sci-fi” - it helps the readers to decide if they might be interested in reading the story.  Final Thoughts: The last, unfinished sentence was great. I do sometimes worry if scientists prefer to ask that question instead of, “what could happen” before they rush into something, which was exactly the case here. Admittedly, the research mission didn’t end as planned, but it all seemed a little shady to me! The story was fast paced, especially towards the end when it all went horribly wrong, and I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen next and if this was perhaps the beginning of the end for us all… A good read, I enjoyed the tale! ** Image ID #2153781 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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