Hi Jacky,

This is a wonderful story. The tone is full of confusion and disappointment. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering how the mishap in the kitchen occurred. They will read to the last word to find out. In the story, a simple pie baking turns into a alarming disaster. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and believable. They come across as real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:


“Jac?” he said, softly, are you alright?”-Should read "Jac?" he said softly, "Are you alright?"

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.