Hi thearcher78,

This is a wonderful story. The tone is formal. It suits the story and plot very well. The reader is wondering if the speaker will get annoyed with Kiera and try to hurt her. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about a female inmate who makes unwanted overtures to another inmate. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention:

1)She had lank, mousey hair and her name was Kiera.-There should be a comma after "hair".

2)“outside, I 'm fixing up a mini.-"outside" should begin with a capital letter.

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.