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 Review #4763510 |
 | Summer Storm  [E] My experience of a storm in the summer.  |
| (4.0)| Dear Ang1974 ,This definitely is a poem that a reader can imagine, feel and relate with when it comes to storm damage. You set the stage with lightning and thunder, which is a quick way to give something the feel of a start. Always surprises me, especially the closer it is to my proximity. You might try challenging yourself more to take some poetic liberty with the depictions to avoid the commonly known words for a storm. Perhaps, make a reader feel it through showing, some emotion like fear, play with the sensory, especially sound. Sometimes, the power of the storm can make a person feel something, as if an ominous start to a story. The elements of lightning, thunder and rain could use some good sensory modifiers that give a reader a more anticipatory feel of how this storm threatens. The narration doesn't give us a feel for speaker. Is it more omniscient or first person, could be either since the personal pronoun entered at end. As first person, you can make it more personal. In a way, you're a reporter here. Usually, finding who's affected, what's being said about the damage, how it's making difficulties like the blocked road. Does this stop business, emergency vehicles, etc. Are people organizing to deal with damage that needs immediate attention. Foremost, injuries, people's safety. Things like that. "I liked wind like the wolf" referencing the story. Words like these can be played around with too, like 'a wolf's wind huffed..." or puffed and blew, if you wanted to intone further the reference. Which leads to metaphor. The storm can be personified or take on imagery and sensory described qualities that equate to one another. This is really left to the poet. But, it is a way of avoiding telling and showing, as it can help a reader get a better feel for what their mind wants to forestall in vision of your poem. This is where you get more benefit or mileage from a write. If you're more of a novice, it's something you can consider, play with as you continue to write. Poetry is a chance to escape from reality, control the story, make it as surreal as you want while still making it believable. And, with a storm, you can keep a reader on the edge of their seat. Tease each event, play on that anticipation. A surprise might help, embellish, make extraordinary. I like how the two stanzas contrast. You have a lot of energy at work in the first. I can feel that aftermath, quiet and destruction and some solemn people. I'd give the child a reason to cry. It's not so much like introducing Kafka's gun in a play where it has to go off in the second act. It's a reminder that when something is introduced, perhaps it should be linked to cause and effect. It could intone something of a feeling in this scene, perhaps a damaged wagon or bike, for instance. This was a good read and straightforward. Great to have you here and hope you find more ways to make your time here beneficial. Thanks for sharing and hope to come across your writing again as I make my way around WDC. Sincerely, Brian WDC Angel Army   Newbie Reviewer  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/16/2024 @ 3:23am EDT