TOUR DE PORTS 2024



Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 

Hello, Jeraxus!

INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

Wow! The message of your poem is powerful.

Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary day and month! I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting.

You engaged my emotions as I read this philosophical poem of yours.

If you were to edit it (I'll explain why in the next section), you could enter it in the Traditional Poetry Contest here. I think the message of your poem would make it a strong contender.

I loved that your thumbnail picture for this philosophical nature poem of yours is perfect for the poem.

I applaud you for having the courage to use this poem in "a public project." If you have the link, adding it to a notes section below the poem would probably be interesting to future readers.

I liked how real and vulnerable you were in your philosophical sonnet poem.

My favorite line was the last one. That was a nice, strong way to end your philosophical sonnet poem.



IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:
In the spirit of helpfulness (and because of the rules of Tour de Ports review challenge I'm in require that, I have a few little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you aren't up for constructive criticism and want to skip this part, no worries at all! Just move on to the next section and know that I enjoyed your poem.


So, the big thing, and the one that I mentioned above, would be to put this in actual English sonnet form. That or don't call it an English sonnet. I believe English sonnets should have even syllable counts and think it's ten syllables per line. Definitely look it up and check. The first two lines of the first stanza only have four syllables each. The third has nine. The fourth has five. This is all just one stanza. Near the end (the last three stanzas) the syllable counts get closer but the first three stanzas are all over the place. It would take some thought but I think you could make this work and keep the core message of your poem, which is great. It's just the form that's the issue.

In this line: "We all hope to be what is or dream," I think perhaps you meant "our" instead of "or," though I'm just guessing. I also think that instead of a comma at the end of this line, your poem would be better served with a period.

In the last line: "I take them off and whisper "no more," I think you need a period at the end. Maybe you are signifying that there is no end, but sonnets tend to do best with traditional punctuation.


CONCLUSION:
You have a written a strong-messaged philosophical poem that I enjoyed reading.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, spirit, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

Once again, happy anniversary month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler







Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .