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Review #4763901
Viewing a review of:
 Hourglass, Owl, Clerk (994 Words) Open in new Window. [E]
A strange effect is discovered, leading officials plan a cover for their tracks.
by DAtmospheres Author Icon
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

I couldn’t figure out the title at first, but it sounded intriguing. Then I discovered that it wasn’t a title as such but but the prompts for the contest this was written for (you also put them in bold in the story) but by then, I was curious how you had actually used those words so I read on. I always find it interesting to see what inspired a story, and I thought you did a good job with the prompts here.

I’m not going to pretend that I understood the science, but it was an interesting concept, and the two main characters were not what the readers first thought they were. They had created this anomaly but they didn’t panic when it was discovered but instead planned to increase the effect so they could make sure that the people who had figured it out wouldn’t. It sounds like a clever plan - I mean, what could possibly go wrong?


*PenG* Suggestions:

The first thing I would suggest is to give the story a proper title. Otherwise, you’ll get annoying readers like me trying to work out if it’s a reference to a What-Three-Words location *Laugh* I would also choose a couple additional genres in addition to Sci-fi. ‘Other’ isn’t particularly descriptive and doesn’t tell the readers what kind of story this is. Of course, this story is a couple of years old and you might not be interested in reads and reviews, but if you are, it would be worth making this story stand out.

I noticed a couple of small errors:

bounced and the settled
“then”

went back of a static shot
“to”


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

The story was well written and despite me not being able to follow it completely, I still wanted to carry on reading to find out what would happen in the end. I wasn’t disappointed, and the twist at the end when it turned out that the two main characters were responsible was nicely done. A smarter mind than mine might have worked out what their little “trick” was good for, or maybe it wasn’t supposed to be clear. Either way, it was an interesting story!




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