\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4765526
Review #4765526
Viewing a review of:
 Project R.O.S.E. (NOVEL PREVIEW) Open in new Window. [13+]
A young girl's world is turned upside down when she learns she is a sentient robot.
by einstein Author Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings,

I found this to be a gripping and vivid tale with tons of potential for adventure and character growth. The character of Rose as an innocent child unaware of her past and grave responsibilities is well crafted, and the action is swift and easy to follow. The trope of “giant monster creature invading the city” is old, of course, but you have given it a creative twist with the addition of robot warriors striving to keep it under control. I thought the use of flower names for the robots was an interesting touch, as well… I’d love to find out the acronym in future installments.

Now, your narrative flow could be improved somewhat… I’m only sharing what I’ve learned from Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon on this site; if you like you can join one of his writing groups for one-on-one advice and peer review. So, what I noticed is, you break into the opening sequence of events to tell us something about Rose’s history, which takes up two paragraphs before we return to the original scene at the mall. Showing is always preferred over telling, and if there was a way to incorporate this information into the scene more naturally, we wouldn’t be taken out of the moment for an info dump.

Then you also switch us over into the PoV of Chris, which could perhaps be delineated by asterisks on either side. And in fact, the main PoV doesn’t focus in on Rose as a limited third person, rather we get a more omniscient perspective, glancing briefly at the thoughts of both Lilly and Rose as they make their escape. There’s nothing wrong with this perspective per se, but it’s more compelling and engaging to try and show us what’s happening as Rose and only Rose sees and feels it.

I do love your premise and look forward to the next chapter. This is a great setup. Perhaps a third genre would be suitable, such as “Technology.”

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4765526