%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4765557 |
 | The Mission  [ASR] Flash fiction  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Ah, a perfectly normal family trip. The woman is driving and getting anxious about having to get somewhere. The daughter needs to use the bathroom. And the dad is cleaning his gun… Wait. Why would he… Never mind - maybe the story is set in the USA where this might be normal… When I read the next sentence, I realised that this wasn’t set in the USA and therefore couldn’t possibly be normal, so I paid close attention to the clues. They had to meet a courier. Maybe a business trip, then, which still didn’t explain the gun. You had me wondering right until the end when you revealed who the two characters were. The ending was nicely done and I chuckled at the last line. It all became clear then, including the title of the story, and the woman’s agitation made perfect sense. Her partner seemed a lot more relaxed and asked the question about the kids almost casually. I liked him!  Suggestions: I didn’t notice any errors and I don’t have any suggestions, so I’m going to use this section to point out a line that I thought was particularly well done: Jane white-knuckled on the steering wheel I hadn’t heard the term ‘white-knuckling’ like this before but I thought it described what she was doing very well.  Final Thoughts: Your characters were excellent, especially Jane. Her impatience came across very well, both through what she said but also how she behaved, like speeding off before he had quite sat down again. Obviously not ideal in any situation, but especially not with two young children in the car. As this was a contest entry, I wonder what the prompt was. It’s not really important to enjoy the story, I’m just always curious what inspired a story. I would assume that this tale did well in the contest - I thought it was well written and constructed, letting the readers know right from the start that it wasn’t what it seemed but keeping it a secret what was actually going on until the end. A good story!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 07/25/2024 @ 2:22am EDT