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 Review #4767958 |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: With that opening line (the contest prompt) I expected this to be a funny story, but I was wrong. I figured you had forgotten to mark this as ‘comedy’, and I would usually recommend choosing three genres to give the readers an idea what kind of story they are going to read. However, on this occasion, I’m going to go against my own advice and admit that I enjoyed the surprise - perhaps because I had been so sure that this was going to be about some mishap or other that was compounded by the main character’s incompetence, or something along those lines. Nothing could be further from the truth, and it didn’t take me long to realise this. The second paragraph gave us a physical description of the main character and the setting - she was dressed in rags and wasn’t wearing any shoes, there was water leaking and she was shackled - this wasn’t like any comedy I’ve ever read… You did a great job in slowly revealing what this story was about, and there were some lovely descriptions, like this one: An orange glow reflecting off the pools of water under the door blossomed as it approached. I thought that was particularly well done to show the setting.  Suggestions: I noticed a few small errors as I was reading: I lifted my bare ,foot You don’t need the comma. stab me in the same matter I was going to attempted on him earlier in the evening “I attempted” or “I was going to attempt”. From the rest of the story which explained what happened earlier, I think it needs to be the latter. Things had gotten out of hand that night. But it was supposed to. I think that would sound better if you replaced “it” with “they”.  Final Thoughts: I thought the action part at the end, after she got out of her handcuffs, worked very well and it was easy to imagine. The only thing I wasn’t sure about (and I have to admit that I know very little about this) was that she fired the crossbow several times without appearing to reload. Like I said, it’s not my area of expertise but I was under the impression that you can only fire it once and then have to reload, and pondering this tore me out of the story a little. I might be wrong though  I liked that you didn’t answer all the questions. Going back to the issue of genres, you picked ‘Fantasy’ and I suppose it was because when she said her name, the magistrate told her that was the name the devil gave her. I couldn’t see any other indication for that genre, and I was wondering if this was perhaps part of a longer story or a series. It seemed you knew the character very well and didn’t reveal everything about her to the readers. It made me curious who she was, and I would be interested in reading more about her!    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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