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 Review #4768011 |
| (4.5)    HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY!!! from "Anniversary Reviews"  Celebrating your writing this month with a review. Happy Account Anniversary Genipher , Reversal on the Jack and Beanstalk tale with a not so happy ending. It seems fiction has reversed with villains getting more victories. I wonder if the man in white is finally relegated and buried in libraries of yore. I don't disagree with outcome, saddened by the loss of righteousness with a mighty 'Hi, Ho, Silver!" with that will to overcome great odds and spare the innocent victims. Though, it can be conceived in your story that the thief had no right to the golden goose. The story wasn't from the perpetrator's perspective. And, victors do write history. So, here we are in redraft. Giant 1, Jack infinity streak snapped. What I noted as I read, foremost, language usage. I liked character names and am unfamiliar with fantasy genre, but certain that these names genuine to folklore and just give a bit of flavor along with the few expressions that typify a particular flavor for language, as with the giant. Also when the giant snaps his beefy fingers, I want a feel for that sound. How does it affect space, others around him. How would one describe this sound because it is likely 50 times more powerful and could compel objects with its force, creating a deafening sound. I think that is something to play with right there that could fascinate a reader who will immerse in scene. Which goes to pacing. It's quick. I think a slow reveal is better. I wouldn't discount revealing some of the actions premeditated in those final moments to grab the golden goose. It's apparent he's fraught with fear, it's likely precipitated by nervous actions that led to ultimate failure. Where's the back and forth between giant and goose thief? Sometimes, these stories have a little negotiating before the giant gets final say. Yeah, hungry. A cannibal. Dark and sickening, if that's what you go for, it could be preceded by more unseemly things that forebode, and what the giant will likely do when goose thief caught, causing more trepidation for reader. All in the pacing, lengthening of this short fiction. Of course, if for a short fiction activity, by all means. But, story could have a dual life. Only other note: a cliché that could be upgraded/removed: "wash over his soul" with 'wash over' an oft used expression. The giant really enjoys his goose, because he doesn't eat it? Perhaps, his love of its music could affect him more viscerally, furthering any foreboding of his anger when its music interrupted. That's all I've got to this point. I like stories getting flipped on their head with new revelations. I intone Paula Cole, "Where Have All The Cowboys Go-aa-onn-ee? Yippy-eye, Yippy-yay!" That's my cue. Does the goose know that one? Had fun reviewing this story. Hope review was good. Happy Month Long Anniversary! Brian WDC Anniversary and Angel Army Reviewer    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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