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Review #4768494
Viewing a review of:
 What Will the Neighbours Think? Open in new Window. [E]
writing prompt contest, word count 744
by dragonline (dragon online) Author Icon
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

You made me sit up when you mentioned “the killing” right in the first paragraph. As I read on, I figured it was the husband who was done for - he seemed quite insufferable and clearly, his wife had enough of it and was just waiting for the opportune moment. It presented itself when the weather was bad enough to confine the neighbours inside so they wouldn’t see.

I have to admit, I’m the one in my family who is forever worried what people will think. I take it to silly extremes, too, like cleaning the house before we go away, in case we get burgled *Laugh* And I do inflict this silliness on my other half as well as he is the one who gets in trouble for leaving things lying around. I started to worry that I might have to rethink this as I was reading, but then the tale took an unexpected turn. I liked the twist at the end; well, two twists, actually.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I noticed a couple of tiny errors:

My husband's oft repeated words
Should “oft-repeated” be hyphenated?

he shocked me when, he
I don’t think you need that comma.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I think the way you built the tension worked very well. I jumped to the wrong conclusion at the beginning and didn’t see the ending coming, but everything seemed to confirm my suspicion: She was clearly exasperated with his behaviour, and she had planned this meticulously, down to choosing a specific tool for the task. There were some nice details, like the clothes she was wearing and his reaction to the way she looked, which she had anticipated. It all seemed to fit, so I didn’t stop to look for other clues. Nicely done!




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