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 Review #4768897 |
 Hello from Bonnie Hello, Jacky  I am reviewing from your port, "Music"  that this is only my opinion. You can accept or reject my review. It is given with the best of intentions. Also, in the hope that we both benefit from it.   Imagery & Emotion:Reviewing flash fiction I find quite a task. In three hundred words the author has to paint a picture of a complete story. No mean feat and when I started reading this one, I almost moved on. I am delighted I did not. There was a sense of peace woven throughout this story. A normal morning in a household with a sick wife. The dialogue showed the role reversal when the wife took ill and how frustrated she felt not having the strength to do cooking and more. Ted had nothing but love for his ailing wife. It was sweet to watch the interaction between the two. I might have made her last words to him Love you, see you later... Valerie could have put her hand over his and say the words to him rather than a passing comment.. But that is what story telling us all about leaving it to the readers imaginations. The music that also was woven through the story had me wondering early on if this was her call home. And I was right. What a gentle way to pass. And the reaction of Ted to this was indeed tender. To do all this in 300 words has my admiration. I cannot do flash fiction, I have too many words!  Suggestions:For flash fiction, I find it saves a few words when you can introduce the names of the characters through dialogue. ‘Ted, do, you hear that music, where is it coming from?’ Andrea moved her head to the side, straining to try to find where the music was coming from. Other places I can see where you could free up words are adverbs. I was really pushy you could omit really, The last two sentences may need a bit of reworking. ‘As he walked to the bed, sitting down’ next to his wife... He walked to the bed and sat down next to his wife.… He sensed the change, he gently lifted her hand to his cheek. The last sentence...he knew what. She was finally free. Did you mean ‘that she was finally free? Check the spelling of compliment.  My Thoughts I did enjoy this story. And I could see this turn into a bigger piece where we can really connect with the characters. However, the emotion in this flash fiction was almost tangible and that is what I love to read. Write On!This review is from me to you Please take from it what you wish and disregard the rest.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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