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Review #4769080
Viewing a review of:
 Episode 4 - Omnious Vision Open in new Window. [E]
Continuation of story " A box changed my life "
by Ryyth Author Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

Well, these bite sized pieces are easy to read and keep us wanting more, certainly. You've succeeded in throwing together so many weird anomalous events, it's hard for us to keep track of them all: too much rain, a missing student, bullies suddenly becoming friendly, the father still out there somewhere gleefully buying cat treats for a cat lady who we still don't know who she is or why she's there... Phew!

All this is perfectly fine to keep a story rolling with, but at some point you need to start drawing the threads together and connecting the dots, if you'll excuse the idiomatic phrases. You need to show us how all these things connect to each other and what the significance is for the boy and the girl.

Is there a grand mission approaching them? A seeking after something? A thrill of a chase or a hunt or some marvelous discovery? Remember, we like hooks, but they need to lead somewhere. You should prepare a timeline for your own use as you write, to ensure you draw the story along at a proper pace and begin to explain things for us, and also to make sure you don't have any significant plot holes of some details you forgot by the end of the story.

I can't wait to read the latest chapter. And I'm definitely hoping you keep us posted with more episodes of this tale. It's quite a ride and I'm fully invested in your shy and unhappy main character. I'd love to learn more about the mysterious and beautiful cat lady who befriends him, and the strange things that bring them together and push between them.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4769080