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 Review #4771353 |
 | Secrets Revealed  [18+] Third person limited- Some secrets should be told  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: It’s difficult for the readers not to take sides when they read a story like this. I switched a couple of times as I was reading. Initially, I thought Anthony was being a spoiled brat who threw his toys out of the pram because he couldn’t get the latest game, despite his mother working hard to provide for him and save for his education. It didn’t help that he was sneaking around behind her back trying to find out what she clearly didn’t want him to know. But then, when he found out that she had been keeping things from him, I thought that maybe he did have a right to know and his mother should have told him. And she probably should have, if only to prevent everything from falling apart when he took action. However, his ration at the end made me change my opinion again. His mother just told him that she had cancer, and all he could do was run off because he was upset she hadn’t told him the truth and leave her alone and in pain. Admittedly, he had just found out that all his life, his father had paid her so that he could ignore the fact that he had a son. This was one messed up situation, so perhaps he could be excused for not reacting very well and not getting his priorities right. Still, since you’re asking the question at the end who was the worst offender, I’m sticking with him.  Suggestions: The story was well written but I noticed a few small errors: Anthony I want you to go to college. I believe there should be a comma after the name to set off the direct address. I noticed this error a couple of times. There were rarely in view now days. I think that should say, “They were rarely in view nowadays.” What did she do with this stuff. it looks like what a belly dancer might wear. There should be a question mark instead of a period after “stuff” and the next sentence should start with a capital letter in “It”. Its a little hard You need “It’s” with an apostrophe, short for “It is”. any of his own secret “Secrets”, plural. find were he was “where” that’s were you got your deviousness Again, “where”. He jump up “jumped”  Final Thoughts: This was a thought provoking story with a couple of twists that I hadn’t expected. I had hoped for a different ending, one where the two characters would reconcile. To me, it’s a sign of a good story when the writer gets an emotional reaction from the reader, and this one certainly did! ** Image ID #2153781 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/30/2024 @ 7:04pm EDT