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Review #4771866
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Ignatia Open in new Window. [13+]
She's Frida's only hope in these forbidden woods.
by NaNotatoGo! Author Icon
Review of Ignatia  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings!

Wow, what a morbid tale. I was thinking some good would come out at the end as Ignatia hunts down the wraiths, but instead she burned down what remained of the hamlet. The horror elements are there: an innocent burned alive, the destruction of a town with all its inhabitants. The fire spirit can hardly be blamed for her nature, and overall it’s a very tragic and gloomy story.

I noticed a few misspelled words, despite your best efforts… “ethereal,” “control,” and now I can’t find the other one. No biggie. What I thought might be helpful to point out is to try to include more sensory details. This is something I struggled with when writing my own entry, and perhaps the reason I dragged it out was because part of me didn’t want to plunge myself viscerally into the midst of a fire *Laugh* So I think maybe if you dwelled a little more on the horrific details, like the stench of death and burning flesh, or the agony of loss deep into Frida’s heart when she saw her hometown, or something. That’s what my mentors (specifically Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 Author Icon) always tell me, to engage the senses. Perhaps that could be done better by focusing more fully on the point of view of Frida rather than an omniscient narrator hovering around the inhuman fire element… *Pthb* Ok, I know that would be tricky, because she dies and then there’s the aftermath…

Never mind, it’s a perfectly horrible story the way it is. Good work and best of luck in the contest *4leaf* *Fire*

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4771866