%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4773508 |
 | Leaving Home  [E] Leaving home can be heart wrenching  |
| (4.5)   HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   Greetings, Espero! I am reviewing this because I am part of the WdC Anniversary Team.  Happy 8th WDC Anniversary! First of all, my reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you and leave the rest. The Positives/What I Liked I enjoyed this piece of conversation between two people, one of which is leaving home for a while. I noticed this was a contest entry along with an assignment. I hope you did well!  The visuals are great. You've done a nice job of showing vs telling. I have two favorites in this piece:Jason stared at her, his big brown eyes saying what words could not. and She grabbed his hand and brought it to her lips. Suggestions/Comments to ConsiderI have just a few nitpicky suggestions:  words could not .  words could not. Omit the space before the period.  the one she saw each morning Example: the one she woke up to each morning Perhaps use a stronger verb than 'saw.' Final ThoughtsI'm curious if you ever used this piece of conversation in a story. The dialogue is realistic. Nice work! Once again, Happy 8th WdC Account Anniversary! May you have many more.  A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Have a great day and... K e e p on W r i t i n g ! Cubby ")
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You responded to this review 09/04/2024 @ 7:31am EDT