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Review #4773802
Viewing a review of:
 Awake At Night  Open in new Window. [E]
This poem talks about being unable to sleep at night and wondering about the future.
by yojina Author Icon
Review of Awake At Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Choconut Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi yojina Author Icon,

This review was written on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army" Open in new Window.. It is part of "a very Wodehouse challenge" Open in new Window.

Disclaimer


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.


What I liked:

*Bulletv* I really like the contemplative nature of this poem. It's a great representation of the kinds of thoughts that run through our minds when we're lying in bed, wide awake, unable to sleep. Everything becomes bigger than it is during daylight hours. We worry about everything, wonder what is the point of everything. I like that you end by wondering about that everlasting slumber. I could relate to the poem a lot.

*Bulletv* The beginning of this poem is great, where you describe time slowing down and your mind starting to "twist with unease." It's such a good description.


Suggestions: A couple of things. The second line has a period that shouldn't be there: "Time dragging its feet, slowly. As my mind twists with unease." By having this period, it makes two sentence fragments that don't make sense on their own. If you take it out, it makes perfect sense. The third line is the same. I would take out that period, also. The other thing is here: "Every night sleep avoids me in the dark." Evades is, I think, the word you were looking for.


Parting comments: This is a well-written poem with some thoughts and feelings that, I'm sure, everyone will have experienced at some point. Nice work.


Choconut
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