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Review #4774139
Viewing a review of:
 Two Nickels  [E]
A poor man hits the lottery and ends up needing a lawyer.
by John S
Review of Two Nickels  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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DEar John S ,

Good turn of events with this straight forward first person narrative, "Two Nickels" and that title is pretty good, too. I wondered if there would be more than telling of events, as it sounded like non-fiction until some of the depicted events became colorful. I liked where you went with the story from the opening hate of lawyers, to that ending with love of them, because the police are talking arrest.

However, I think that ending might not work. At least, he won't need lawyers. But, police do have their questions. But, a person has a right to defend their home. Sounds like police would be familiar with the victim and could put two plus two together. However, if you want this angle, maybe police want to bust this person telling the story, willing to overlook the obvious, if there were some cause. It would likely be linked to the Prosecutor who decides whether to pursue charges. I think the angle would be that he is just another lawyer and he too smells money. Perhaps, get this character to put up some money to stay out of jail.

I don't think 15k is enough to sell the story. I do realize it needs to be shown this character has broke even after paying off debts. Taxes can hurt for sure. Perhaps, owning home or vehicle free and clear eats up the cash. Or, because this character owes money to a loan shark, he's got a gambling problem and tried to double down and lost?

You have a good premise for story. I don't know if you're trying to keep it short, but you could introduce characters and have them act in those events a bit and let the first person talk to a second person.

Just some thoughts after finding this pop up on the read and review page.

Sincerely,

Brian
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