\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4775319
Review #4775319
Viewing a review of:
Image Protector
Pocket Size Stories Open in new Window. [E]
An experimental collection of exactly 100 words (mostly)
by Amethyst Agape Angel Author Icon
         Review for entry/chapter: "Hopeless" Open in new Window.
Review by Jayne Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello, Amethyst Agape Angel!

This is a "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" Open in new Window. judge's review!

*Checkb*Overall Impression:
Your poem delivers a strong emotional punch, portraying the hopelessness of seeking peace in a mind weighed down by mistrust and sorrow.

*Checkb*Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:
The poem's consistent AABB rhyme scheme gives it a steady rhythm that parallels the speaker's ongoing internal struggle. This contrasts with the narrator's disordered feelings, adding to the sense of entrapment. The short lines create a sense of inevitability and desperation to escape. However, the rhythm is quite abrupt in places and pulls the reader out of the flow. This is particularly evident in "Never quite finding it, though I struggle and strive" and "I stand alone, cold, confused, only misery composed." The first instance could be corrected with punctuation—perhaps a semicolon. The second example I would rework, weighing the need for both "cold" and "only."

*Checkb*Content:
You've effectively captured the narrator's emotional struggles and inability to escape their detrimental looping thought patterns. Most readers will empathize with this plight and easily pick up on the internal conflict, longing for solace, and mistrust.

*Checkb*Grammar and Mechanics:
I found no glaring grammar concerns. You've used excellent imagery and chosen a solid structure for the poem's concept.

*Checkb*Final Thoughts:
The exploration of inner pain is a powerful tool for both the writer and reader and can help untangle the cycle of self-talk.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

Jayne Author Icon*Smile*

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim" Open in new Window.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/12/2024 @ 9:00am EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4775319